Samantha & John Use Role Reversal to Solve a Problem (2 min read)

The Conflict: Feeling Ignored at Dinner

Samantha and John had been together for eight years, and recently, Samantha noticed that John spent more time on his phone during dinner than engaging with her. It left her feeling neglected; no matter how much she brought it up, the issue persisted. On the other hand, John didn’t see it as a big deal, viewing his phone use as catching up on work or personal messages.

After one particularly tense dinner, Samantha suggested they try something different: role reversal. “Let’s switch roles,” she said. “You’ll speak as me, and I’ll speak as you. Maybe we’ll see things differently.”

Stepping Into Each Other’s Shoes 

They started the exercise after the dishes were cleared. John went first, doing his best to respond as he thought Samantha would. “When you’re on your phone during dinner, I feel invisible. It’s our only time to connect, and I feel pushed aside.” He paused, feeling awkward at first, but as he continued, something shifted. Saying the words aloud made him recognize how hurtful his actions might be.

Now, it was Samantha’s turn. “I’m not trying to ignore you,” she said, speaking as John. “Work is stressful, and dinner is my only chance to decompress. I’m just trying to keep up with everything. It’s not about you.”

Breaking Through Misunderstandings

As they each spoke for the other, new layers of understanding emerged. Samantha hadn’t fully realized how overwhelmed John felt by his work, and John hadn’t grasped the depth of Samantha’s frustration. This mutual exchange allowed both of them to lower their defenses. They began to see the issue not as a personal attack but as a miscommunication about their needs.

Finding a Solution Together

With fresh insight into the problem, Samantha and John could now approach it from a place of cooperation. They brainstormed a compromise. John suggested leaving his phone in another room during dinner, setting that time specifically for them. Understanding that John felt overwhelmed, Samantha agreed to give him some space after dinner to catch up on work if he needed it.

This solution felt fair to both of them and more importantly, it came from a place of empathy and understanding, not resentment or blame.

The Power of Role Reversal

Samantha and John’s experience highlights how role reversal can turn a frustrating argument into an opportunity for growth. By stepping into each other’s shoes, they moved beyond their initial assumptions and found a resolution that respected both their needs. It wasn’t just about solving the phone-at-dinner issue but deepening their emotional connection and learning to navigate future conflicts with compassion.

Building a Habit of Empathy

After seeing the benefits of role reversal, Samantha and John agreed to use the technique whenever conflicts arose. It gave them a tool to prevent misunderstandings from escalating and helped them focus on the underlying emotions driving their disagreements. Over time, role reversal became less of a formal practice and more of an ingrained habit, making their relationship stronger and more resilient.

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